Many thanks to Robbie for introducing me to this topic. Yeah, I’m a victim of this, both past and presently. Great articles, but my favorite is this: Gang Stalking: Psychological Targeting in a Group Setting from Rheyanne Weaver.
Trash talk is everywhere online about me. My “fans” have made a mockery out of me, but they are the ones who are showing their true colors. And guess what? Their stupidity, malicious attacks are backfiring. Instead of turning people away from me, they are making more book sales for me! And my true Friends and Fans are in touch. Heartwarming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Those of you who wrote to me during these last few weeks of the Change.org contest, you’ve spoken words of passion, of being victimized by adoption, and you’ve shown me your own demons. I’ve found the place I needed to be for a long time: AAAFC. Several friends in the past have encouraged me to join. I tried twice in the past few years, but this last attempt, well, I made it in! Actually, my own stumbles with online message boards and getting used to the media were to blame for me not completing the process. I had to finish my book. Now that that’s done, I can really focus on staying connected with online media friends.
So this brings me back to Gang Stalking. Robbie mentioned it last evening. And boy, what a difference this revelation has been! Long before the Internet, my life has been influenced by family networks of relatives just eager to gossip about me, to ruin me, to make me look like dirt. I succumbed to decades of harassment by developing permanent damage to my nervous system in the form of traumatic nightmares, a heightened startle reflex, fear of people, extreme shyness, and medical problems. I was also suicidal for a very long time. I can easily fall back into that, thanks to my online “fans” who want me to fail. Ignore them, you say? I do. I’m not actively seeking them out, nor am I bothering them. My mere existence — my very birth — has been a bother to them for all of my 54 years. I wish they would just go away.
Now, for those who want to say that my negativity is saying no to reunion, you are wrong. I am very much for responsible and respectful search and reunion. Trouble is, I didn’t even have a respectful adoption, much less a respectful reunion. The ones who can talk among themselves and be each other’s supports can do so much damage to the one who is the target.
However, I have in-person and online true friends who are there for me. The occasional email from Michael in LA, from Jab and Amrita, also from LA, and from folks who I won’t name, have meant the world to me. Elaine and Rene, in my darkest moments, you come through for me. Thank you.
In the last few weeks, I’ve stepped up connections as a published author. Doing the public speaking thing, well, I’ve done it in the past so I can do it again. The positive people around me now are making this time around much easier. And you make me laugh! From the autograph seeker, to the book reader, to the astonished church member and the common-sense church member who just can’t seem to understand why “they” falsified my birth certificate, to the retired college professor who extends a sincere soft smile with a request for my book, to the befuddled small business owner who said “They don’t do that today, anymore, do they?” — all of you are such cherished people! You’re making this journey of mine easier and more pleasant. With your eagerness to learn about my adoption and about the larger issues, you’ve made the journey through the Gang Stalking so much more easier.
To Denis over at the tavern: you once asked me, “Is it safe being seen in public with you?” Well, my dear friend, you are safe. I’m safer because of you. I’m safer because you care. It’s not me who is dangerous. It’s the people doing the stalking who have caused me so much harm.
To Julie over at NLS, and to the Dandelions out there: thanks for your help and enthusiasm. You’re sweet. And resourceful. And Dandelions are all over the place! Spring is coming! Bring on that Dandelion salad!
See, as I get out there, meeting people, coming out of my shell, I’m finding true friends who are also my fans. If you folks talk among yourselves about me, I know it’s all good because you’ve given me hugs and smiles. You make up for the jealous maliciousness or shunning that my own family members continue to dish out. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want these relatives in my life, at all. I don’t want to see their names, their faces, or have their friends seek me out in public. It’s been like that for years. Do I feel guilty? Hell no. I do not want abusers, users, stalkers and mean people in my life. I want peace and positive people in my life. New readers — want to know why I don’t want my own relatives in my life? Go read their trash talk about me. It’s free. My book will cost you. Go for the free and dirty stuff. The ones who yelled at me for attending adoption conferences and reading about adoption and writing my Letters to the Editor about adoption were so big on telling me that I am crazy for doing what I do and that they don’t want adoption shoved down their throats, well, these are the people who are out there now, writing their blogs and using adoption terminology as if they are the experts. They know what they’re talking about, I don’t. And I certainly don’t want them in my life. They don’t want me in theirs, so why are they reading my website and my book? Why are they stalking me, still?
And there’s a big difference between being a friend, a true fan, an interested person, a follower on Facebook or My Space or change.gov. True positive networking is not stalking. True family and friends can share something like, “Gee, next time I perform, I’ll let you know so you can see the show” and know that true friends will follow you.
So when I travel around seeing your shows and performances, I’m a fan. I may get tongue-tied because you are the star, but you make me happy. And from that, I’m learning a valuable lesson. I’m starting to see people react to me that way and I’m touched by the sweetness. There are crazies out there, but my true fans and friends, you are special.
Go read up on Gang Stalking. It’s a creepy thing. I’m a victim. But I’m a survivor, too.
See you all on AAAFC! And on the writers’, artists’ and musicians’ circuit.
Joan M Wheeler, BA, BSW, author of Forbidden Family: A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism, Trafford Publishing, Nov 2009.
